Friday, February 5, 2010

Still Pregnant

I don't feel pregnant.

With Annabella, I was so excited and focused on my pregnancy. Not that I always really felt pregnant with her, but it was more of an amazement at there being a little being growing inside of me. Like, could it really be true?

With BG2, I just don't have the time or energy to be excited or focused. Annabella still demands much of my attention, and while I don't emotionally feel pregnant, my body is certainly suffering some of the side effects. I feel like my body instantly aged 20 years. Walking from my car to my office suddenly makes me feel tired. I wake up many times a night to go potty. And I'm bone-tired in a way that makes me feel delirious. Oh, and I wake up in the middle of the night starving.

You would think with all of those physical symptoms that my emotional self would catch up, but not so much. Maybe it's the wow factor again. Maybe it will all feel more real when someone is kicking me from the inside.

But right now, the little girl who isn't happy unless she's in Mommy's arms is trumping any time I might have to sit and relax and marvel at the little one inside. And while I feel a certain amount of guilt over this, I'm not losing any sleep over it. If I remember my last pregnancy correctly, soon enough the little one inside will force me to take the time. Because while I feel tired now, I know it's only going to get worse.