Thursday, July 23, 2009

Apparently I have a lot to say

I could just add to the previous post, but that would be more work. Plus that post was about Annabella. This post is about me. So yeah, 3 posts, 1 day...

I had no idea what being a mom would be like before I had a baby. And really I don't think there's anybody who could have prepared me for it.

There's the good stuff, which is better than pretty much anything else. Like coming home at the end of the day to a baby that just can't contain her excitement to see you. And watching your baby experience new things. And getting slobbery open mouth kisses on your cheek (or sometimes your nose). And holding your baby close and smelling her baby skin. Really, there's nothing better.

But then there's the bad stuff. Like never getting 8 hours of sleep, ever. Like leaving your baby at daycare when all you want to do is hold her. Like needing a break from being Mommy so bad that you just can't take it, but then having a hard time taking that break when it's offered, knowing you're leaving your baby behind. Like missing your baby all day long and feeling like you don't get to spend enough time with her.

Some days I have a really hard time being a working mom. A really hard time. If Annabella looks at me with puppy dog eyes as I leave the daycare I almost can't take it. Today has been one of those days. And she's pretty much taken center-stage of my brain all day long.

I know that me working is good for my family for a number of reasons. Annabella likes daycare and gets a lot of good things from being there, a lot of things I couldn't really offer at home. We can more easily afford the things we need and want. And I'm a sane person (something that would probably not be true if I were a stay at home mom).

But all those things I know in my head. And today my heart hurts.

2 Posts in 1 day!

Can it be? Am I posting twice in one day? Why yes, I am. After a month of neglecting the blog, there is Annabella news.

Besides the crawling, she has a tooth! I think all it took for her tooth to come in was for me to announce to the world that she was, in fact, not teething. I think it was about a week after that that her lower right tooth poked through her gums. And now she's working on getting her lower right one. I wish it would hurry up and break through her gums already. She's not been too terribly happy with the teething, and we've had lots of extra night wakings the past few days. I'd be pretty unhappy too if I had a giant bump in my gums where a tooth should be.

Also exciting Annabella news: she can pull to standing on her own. She needs something to hold onto, but she can pull up. And once she's up, she can stay up for a couple seconds without holding onto anything.

And maybe the most exciting on of all: Annabella first word is "Mama". Or not. My child, the one I carried around in my body for 9 months, the one who I've lovingly woken up to feed pretty much every night of the last 10 months, the one who I would give my life for...her first word is "Dada". The injustice of it all is pretty appalling. And it gets worse. Dada is "dada", but so am I. So when I stumble into her room at the ridiculously early hour that she wakes up, she looks up at me and says "Dada".

This past month has been pretty big for us with all the big milestones people ask us about, but I feel like I'm seeing her personality come out more and more all the time. In particular, watching her learn all these new skills has made me realize how cautious she is. For example, she wouldn't attempt crawling until she was sure she could get back to a sitting position, lest she be stuck lying on the ground. And she's very tentative about what she uses to pull up on. She doesn't just go after something...she thinks about it first. Not an altogether bad trait to possess.


Annabella has started to crawl. She's still very tentative about it, but if you watch her for long enough, she might just go for it.

I was at daycare today, and I was trying to get her to crawl toward me. I scooted back 3 or 4 feet, grabbed a toy xylophone, and urged, "Come on Annabella. Crawl to Mommy. You can get the toy..."

In typical Annabella fashion, she looked at the toy, was mildly interested, but chose instead to go for something much closer to in reach.

So I sat there for several minutes, trying to make the xylophone look like the best toy in the room. And it worked, over crawled Emma to grab the xylophone. Not quite what I was going for.

Well, Annabella took one look at Emma playing with her Mommy and her Mommy's toy and booked it over to steal it right out of Emma's clutches.

So all I really need to get Annabella moving is a little friend to be jealous of. Anybody volunteering their baby?