Apparently I have a lot to say

I could just add to the previous post, but that would be more work. Plus that post was about Annabella. This post is about me. So yeah, 3 posts, 1 day...

I had no idea what being a mom would be like before I had a baby. And really I don't think there's anybody who could have prepared me for it.

There's the good stuff, which is better than pretty much anything else. Like coming home at the end of the day to a baby that just can't contain her excitement to see you. And watching your baby experience new things. And getting slobbery open mouth kisses on your cheek (or sometimes your nose). And holding your baby close and smelling her baby skin. Really, there's nothing better.

But then there's the bad stuff. Like never getting 8 hours of sleep, ever. Like leaving your baby at daycare when all you want to do is hold her. Like needing a break from being Mommy so bad that you just can't take it, but then having a hard time taking that break when it's offered, knowing you're leaving your baby behind. Like missing your baby all day long and feeling like you don't get to spend enough time with her.

Some days I have a really hard time being a working mom. A really hard time. If Annabella looks at me with puppy dog eyes as I leave the daycare I almost can't take it. Today has been one of those days. And she's pretty much taken center-stage of my brain all day long.

I know that me working is good for my family for a number of reasons. Annabella likes daycare and gets a lot of good things from being there, a lot of things I couldn't really offer at home. We can more easily afford the things we need and want. And I'm a sane person (something that would probably not be true if I were a stay at home mom).

But all those things I know in my head. And today my heart hurts.