tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207817782190029942024-03-19T06:34:55.155-04:00Jason and Amber G.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger192125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-10202797715983768032016-01-14T12:05:00.001-05:002016-01-14T12:05:22.766-05:00UpdatesSometimes I just don't know what to say when I sit down to write these. Today is one of those days.<div>
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We've been good, but pretty much the same. </div>
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Bella's doing better with school. She's got a couple more friends she talks about playing with, and she's making strides academically as well. She's still not caught up, but she's not as far behind now either. She's working hard, and we're super proud of her.</div>
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Genevieve is as strong-willed and stubborn as ever. Her favorite tactic for getting something she wants is to just ask you over and over and over again until you break down and give it to her. We've had to start saying things like, "If you ask one more time, the answer's going to be 'no' all day long". Makes me feel old. Today I heard myself say "Because I said so." When did I get so old?</div>
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Jason's taken up rock climbing at a local gym. He's afraid of heights; so I don't think this hobby will ever extend to anything beyond rock walls or whatnot, but it's great that he's found another outlet. The vertigo and knee stuff has really slowed him down with soccer, and Jas really needs something active to keep him centered.</div>
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I'm pretty good. Glad the holidays are over. Feeling a little guilty I did so little for them. I usually make calendars, but just didn't have enough pictures or time to do them this year. Plus, with the temperatures staying as high as they were, it just didn't even feel like the holidays.</div>
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We have a new family that moved in next door, and they have an 8 year old little girl Bella and Vieves like to play with, which is awesome. We were really bummed when the old neighbors left because the girls liked to play with their middle son, but they play with the new little girl even more.</div>
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Jason and I just met with a contractor about converting our basement into an in-law suite, and fixing some things with our backyard. That's new and exciting, for us at least. We've been going to a bunch of shows as well. We're seeing Ragtime tonight. Should be fun.</div>
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OK. Back to work for me.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-68122160673110223382015-07-17T12:52:00.002-04:002015-07-17T12:52:07.495-04:00Gettin my country girl onLast weekend I made and canned pickles and 2 different versions of peach jam. Sometimes I just get this deep-seated need to preserve food. It feels wholesome and homey to me. Makes me remember canning jams, tomatoes, green beans, and tons of other veggies at my grandparents' farm. <br />
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I loved that farm. I loved doing farm work with Grandpa, and cleaning house/preserving foods with Grandma. Planting tomatoes, helping the corn down the hole in the bottom of that funnel wagon thing (whatever it's called), eating watermelon on the back porch, helping wrap and label the butchered meat, so much big fun.<br />
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A farm is really a whole family affair, and I miss some of that. Even when I was little, I was called upon to go to the garden to pick tomatoes and help with the canning. <br />
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I feel like so much of this is ingrained in my bones, a vital part of me.<br />
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So this weekend, when I was making peach jam, I was really hopeful that the girls would want to help and love the jam. But of course they didn't really want to help after a minute of stirring, and Genevieve wouldn't even try the jam. (After bargaining with her, she finally tried some and said she didn't like it.)<br />
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To say I was disappointed doesn't quite cover it. If I'm honest, my feelings were a little bit hurt. Which isn't really the girls fault at all, mind you. I fully understand that it's not their responsibility to make Mommy happy, that they're not little extensions of me, and that they like their own things.<br />
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But I really do worry that they're missing out on something big, something I can't quite put my finger on.<br />
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Jas and I are blessed to have good jobs and make a good living. We live in a neighborhood with nice houses, involved parents, pretty parks, etc. It seems that everywhere we look, people have plenty. And this is just not the way of the world.<br />
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We live in a bubble of good fortune. <br />
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I don't think my kids understand that there are many, many people who worry because they don't have enough. That there are families that can't afford and lose their homes, kids with not enough food to eat, parents who can't buy their kids new shoes when the old ones get holes through them.<br />
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And in many ways, it's probably okay that my kids don't get this. They're still little, and it's a big pill to swallow. And we send Bella to a magnet school (and we'll send Vieves when she's old enough), and a large percentage of the kids who attend are quite poor. So they'll have more exposure to life outside the bubble there.<br />
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But I worry, are they missing out on something by having too much? <br />
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My grandfather grew up dirt poor, with abusive parents who eventually abandoned him and his siblings. He went into foster care, and thankfully came out with a good family. But he knew what it was like to be so poor that you eat the only thing in the fridge, butter, for dinner. He stole eggs from his neighbors and sold those same eggs back to them. The neighbors knew of course, but Grandpa was so poor that the neighbors bought the eggs anyway. And somebody broke a bottle over Grandpa's head when he was a kid. These stories, which I think are true but am recalling from when I was young, colored my world. <br />
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I watched Grandpa work hard, harder than anybody else I've ever known, growing food, working a full-time job besides, putting in 70-80 hour work weeks until his body was too riddled with cancer to work anymore. I watched him penny-pinch. I watched him worry about his kids, and his grandkids, and save and save so that he could pass down his savings and worry that much less about us going hungry. Many of the lessons I learned from watching all this really define who I am, what I value.<br />
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My kids are not very many generations away from people who truly had to struggle, but they do not have to struggle. They're enjoying the fruits of the labor of all of these people, but they have no frame of reference to appreciate these fruits. <br />
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Oh well. They're still little, too little to really get it.<br />
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And I'm probably making too big of a fuss over something that will hopefully work itself out over time, with lessons about saving and working hard and family from Jas and I.<br />
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And maybe they'll want to help me make jam next time around...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-28279980279053057552015-06-05T14:05:00.002-04:002015-06-05T14:05:20.734-04:00Just one more day!My baby's last day of kindergarten is Monday. How did that even happen?<br />
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I am so relieved that summer break is right around the corner. I think our family needs it. Getting Bella to school every day is a struggle. I'm stressed every morning about getting her to the bus on time, and Jason has to be home pretty darn early to get her from the bus stop. Plus, I think Bella really doesn't care for school. So woohoo!<br />
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Plus, summer means vacations are now possible again. We've been so used to our schedules with our vacation time dictating when we can go where, but now it's all about the school schedule. So in the next month we are visiting tons of grandparents, going to the beach, going to Ohio, and just all out rocking it.<br />
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This summer also marks the beginning of camps for Bells. We'll see how she likes those. She's doing 2 baking/cooking camps, 2 art camps, and 3 drama camps. She tends to like all of that; so here's hoping she has tons of fun and that it's not stressful.<br />
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Oh, and our beloved babysitter Cailin is back from college. So Jas and I get a weekly break/date night/whatevs.<br />
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We had Vieve's preschool parent/teacher conference recently, and Genevieve got checks for almost every category of skills. One she missed? Choosing her own work. Apparently Miss Vieves likes to walk around and check what the other kids are doing and make sure they are doing their work correctly, and then to tattle if they are not. Sounds so much like Vieves.<br />
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In other news, my BFF recently got engaged. I am beyond excited to be her matron of honor. We're going dress shopping for her this weekend. I hate shopping, but I am so stoked. And her beau is a great guy, and he's great with the kids; so we're thrilled he'll be a permanent fixture for us too :)<br />
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I'm so looking forward to the next few weeks. I've missed people terribly. This is the first year in many we haven't made it back to Ohio for Easter, and we're craving that time back home. We're happy in NC, but I really think our favorite place on earth is probably Ohio. It just feels like home.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-62466172690107573832015-05-08T15:43:00.000-04:002015-05-08T15:43:07.609-04:00Caffeine withdrawalI gave up my beloved Diet Coke when I found out I was pregnant with Bella, and stayed off it until I was finished nursing Vieves. I nursed Vieves until she was 2.5; so that was 5 years off the juice. During those years, I dreamed of Diet Coke, literally. I'd wake up not certain if I'd cheated or not.<br />
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Since then, I have enjoyed <i>way </i>too much Diet Coke.<br />
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So I gave it up this past Saturday.<br />
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I'm grouchy, have a headache, and just want to sleep. Grrrrr.<br />
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In other news, I'm growing concerned that I'm raising a little spoiled little narcissist. I'm sure it's just a stage, but Vieves was in rare form this week. She had bike day at preschool, and was displeased that her scooter was at Grandma's house. She had a bike, a trike, and we could borrow the neighbor's scooter. She was displeased with all of those options. So I called a mom friend down the street and borrowed their scooter. Vieves was displeased with it when she saw it the next morning and realized it wasn't the kind she wanted.<br />
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So now reread that paragraph, and replace every instance of "displeased" with "threw a giant hour-long temper tantrum" or "demanded I go and get her a new scooter" or "said she'd be taunted and it was all my fault" or "demanded I drive 3 hours each way to get her scooter" or "screamed at me". <br />
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So yeah, that happened.<br />
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Bella, on the other hand, has been exceedingly kind as of late, especially to her sister. I think she's basking in the praise we give her when she does something nice. It's incredibly sweet, but Genevieve is in the current mood to take complete and total advantage of Bella's generosity. <br />
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Example: Bella cleaned up a mess that Vieves made. So we gave Bella 3 jelly beans and said she could do with them what she wanted. She ate 1, then let Vieves choose 1 of the next 2. Vieves stole both. As I was telling Vieves she couldn't have both, Vieves shoved the jelly beans in her maw and Bella said, "That's ok. She can have 2."<br />
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I realize I haven't written much about my girls in awhile; so this is probably making Vieveroo sound like a monster, but she's really not, at least not most of the time. She's usually sweet and funny and charismatic and just a whole lot of fun. She's also probably the most persistent (stubborn) person I've ever met. (My sister-in-law, who is very direct and not prone to exaggeration, has said that Vieves is the most stubborn person she's ever met; so it's not just me...) <br />
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Some weeks feel like a slog. This has been one of them. But we're coming up on the weekend, and my company's picnic is tonight, which should be a lot of fun. They even put on fireworks at the end, which the girls are really looking forward too.<br />
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TGIF indeed.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-35301326877937697702015-04-27T17:08:00.000-04:002015-04-27T17:08:00.336-04:00Life lessonsI feel like I figured out some things late in life, things that might seem obvious to others. I hope my kids get some of these earlier.<div>
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<li>You don't have to like people Some people are just mean and awful. Some people might be perfectly nice and just not your cup of tea. All of that's okay. You don't have to like them. It's enough to just be kind. Unless, of course, somebody makes you feel bad or gives you the creeps. Then stay far, far away from them. <br /></li>
<li>When playing softball/racquetball/etc, "keep your eye on the ball" means focus your vision on the ball. Not make sure the ball is somewhere in your periphery. <br /></li>
<li>Try not to care what other people think. If something makes you happy, it doesn't matter if you're good or bad at it, just have fun with it. <br /></li>
<li>Being friends with crazy people is not such a good idea. They might be a lot of fun, but the dramatics get old. And you can't reason with crazy people. You're more likely to make yourself crazy than to help them be sane.<br /></li>
<li>You don't have to have kids to have a full and good life. I love my kids and am thrilled that they're my babies, but I cannot deny that my life changed, in many ways for the harder, when I had kids. I love my kids, and wouldn't trade them for the world, but I don't always love being a Mommy.</li>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-23337962505880620412015-04-25T18:30:00.004-04:002015-04-25T18:30:54.860-04:00Date Night!The kids have been at each other's throats today; so we couldn't ask for a better night for date night. Woohoo to Little Gym for having a Parent Survival Night today. We need it :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-83395442612461673952015-04-22T09:47:00.001-04:002015-04-22T09:47:30.101-04:00Sisters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Bella's reached that awkward age, where her smiles for the camera look forced (because they are) and her teeth are a mix of baby and adult teeth. She's also far more camera shy than she used to be; so nailing her down for a picture can be difficult.</div>
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Genevieve, on the other hand, loves loves loves to be the center of attention, and will pose like a goofball for the camera until she gets bored. Getting her to actually smile and not be a goofball is the tricky part. She's mid-dance here.</div>
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In a family of introverts, Bella makes sense to me. I don't know how Jason and I produced a little extrovert, but we did. Where Bella loves to sit and quietly look at books and can get lost in her own little world, Genevieve loves to twirl around and tell stories and boss everybody she can. I think Bella helps encourage Genevieve to sit still and focus on things, and Genevieve encourages Bella to let loose and be silly and put on princess shows.<br />
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They love each other fiercely, fight like cats and dogs, and make my heart happy every day. I'm so blessed to be these girls' Mommy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-6937783953482803622015-04-21T16:20:00.002-04:002015-04-21T16:20:40.900-04:00Let's give this another goSo it turns out I miss blogging. <br />
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I think I started blogging almost completely 100% for me. <br />
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Then a few friends and family started reading it, which was both good and bad. Good because it's awesome people I love care enough to read my random musings. Bad because I felt somewhat limited in what I could say. <br />
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Then several strangers started reading my posts about the Trisomy-18/SLOS quad-screen scare. For awhile, I was getting pings every month or so from other scared moms who were anxiously awaiting more testing. The comments they left were heart-breaking, and as more time was passing, I found it harder and harder to reach out to them. Because while I remember feeling scared and helpless and looking for any information I could find, enough time has passed, enough new experiences have popped up, that I just can't relate like I once could. It's no longer fresh. <br />
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Also, somewhere along the way, my mental health took a bit of a nosedive. Issues with Bella got more complex. Life changed in unpredictable ways. And I felt uncomfortable writing about some of those things online, where anybody can see it.<br />
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Here's the thing though. I don't journal. I just can't seem to get into it. I type WAY faster than I can write, and looking back on my blog makes me smile at my old memories. Also, it just helps me feel better.<br />
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So in an effort to care less about what others think and do what makes me happy, I'm going to attempt this again. In that vein, I'll just admit some stuff up front.<br />
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1) I'm codependent. <br />
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Most people misuse this word to describe somebody who depends on somebody too much, but that's not quite it. You know how in an abusive household, there's often the peacemaker, the one who does whatever they can to keep the abuser even-tempered? That peacemaker is codependent. <br />
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I do NOT live in an abusive household, and I've never had an abusive boyfriend. But I have had a couple deeply unhealthy friendships. The last one was bad enough that I sought therapy to regain some control over my life, and since then, I've been much more aware and less likely to form these relationships. I still have the tendency to put my needs lower than other people's (often inconsequential) wants, to take offhand comments way too seriously, and to bend my life around somebody else's desires.<br />
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Thankfully, I have a great support system of people who get this about me and try not to abuse it. Jason, for instance, when stating a preference will make it clear that he does not want me to change my behavior or plans if it's of little consequence to him. And if it's something that has absolutely zero affect on him, I think he just keeps his mouth shut. Also, he listens when I describe what's going through my head and puts up with me when I worry way too much about other's thoughts. <br />
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I'm going to throw a shout-out to my BFF Corrie here as well, as she is all sorts of great for my mental well-being and just overall happiness.<br />
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2) I suffer from depression and anxiety. <br />
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I think I was probably always prone to some of this, and can now recognize past times when I probably was depressed. But it started in earnest right after I had Genevieve. I had a really difficult time bonding with her for a long time and worried that I never would. I'd had a postpartum hemorrhage with Genevieve that left me feeling weak and lethargic. For a long time, I thought what I felt was still left over from the effects of that. But when I broke down in tears at my 6 week followup, the doctor swiftly put me on extended disability for depression and got me into a psychiatrist. <br />
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What's followed has been a pretty long journey of good times and bad times, with plenty of medication thrown in. <br />
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I've gotten better at recognizing when I'm falling back into a depressive state, which is good. But it still sucks. <br />
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You know that commercial that says "Depression Hurts"? Well, it flat out does. It hurts my mind. It hurts my body. It hurts my family. And I fight it. I really do. <br />
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I've gotten much better, I really have. But the thing with depression is it leaves you vulnerable. My ability to roll with the punches is sometimes just non-existent. It's like my emotional endurance is gone. Something awful happens, and I need extra help pulling it together. I've learned to ask for and seek the help though, which is good.<br />
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3) This one's the hardest for me to write about. Bella is really struggling in school, and in some ways with life.<br />
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I question how much I should put of this up here, because in many ways, this is her deal, and not mine. But here's where I'm going to trust that Bella knows I love her and that I have her best interest at heart. I'm going to trust my friends and family that read this to be understanding and loyal. And I'm not going to care about the strangers. And I'm still going to filter. Not everything needs to be for public consumption.<br />
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Bella is about 2 years behind on her fine and visual motor skills. She also has ADHD. The former is the bigger problem right now at school, but the latter is compounding the former. She's also behind on social skills and is having a hard time with friends. And there's more, but this is where that filter comes in.<br />
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I know that the perception is often that ADHD is over-diagnosed and that she'll grow out of all of this and that we are worrying too much. If that's your perception, feel free to judge us quietly, but please keep it to yourselves.<br />
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Bella is a sweet and kind and loving girl. And she is struggling. She's struggling with reading and writing and behavior and friendships. And it breaks my heart. All of the time. <br />
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Jason and I have near-constant anxiety and worry over this. <br />
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I think that's about all I can handle writing right now.<br />
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I know some of the friends and family come here mainly for pictures; so I'll try to post some soon.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-1472647310747119552014-01-08T14:40:00.002-05:002014-01-08T14:40:11.265-05:00So 2013 happened...And I apparently didn't write a blog post the entire year. Oh well. Life is busy. <br />
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I went back through and read some of my old posts today, and I realized I'd forgotten some of the memories I'd written about my girls. Which is what prompted me here, to write more. I'm making no promises about posting after today, mainly because I'm tired of feeling guilty about not posting. And really, a mother has enough guilt without heaping more on top that can be avoided. But I am hoping to put a little more up there.<br />
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So what's new?<br />
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Annabella is 5 now, and she'll start kindergarten in the fall. Choosing a kindergarten here is nothing like what it was for me or Jas growing up. Then, we went to the kindergarten that was closest, case closed. Maybe some parents would pony up some coin to send their kids to the private Catholic school if it was close enough to where they lived, but besides that, it was whatever was closest. Bells, on the other hand, has a default base school (which is not the closest elementary school to us), a couple other calendar option schools (traditional vs year-round), a list of 10 or so magnet school options, not to mention the charter school options on top of that. And those are just the public options. <br />
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In my brain, when I try to reason logically, I can tell myself that choosing a kindergarten for her is not this life-defining choice. It's just kindergarten, and she can change schools later if she doesn't like it. Plus, most of our options are really very good options. I know this in my brain. Or at least I try to. But that doesn't stop the panic I feel whenever I start thinking about it again. <br />
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Warning, the following paragraph is probably mind-numbingly boring. But here's the deal with the school stuff:<br />
Kindergarten is your best shot of getting into some of these non-default schools, as they are application based and space-limited. So switching from default to magnet/charter later on might prove challenging. But the magnets/charters are farther away from us. You have to provide transportation to and from the charters, whereas the magnets will bus. I think the transportation issue is enough to kill the option of charter schools for our family, as both Jason and I work about 25 minutes from home. A lot of families car pool to ease the burden, and if pushed, we could probably make that work. But I haven't heard much about the charters, and have no real reason to believe they would be better for us. Which leaves us with magnets and the default option. The magnets are all quite a bit farther away from us than the default options, but I'm not certain that equals longer on the bus due to express busing options. Most of the magnets are in not so great locations, ie poorer neighborhoods with higher crime rates and such. And while the bus ride might not be longer, a magnet location would be much more difficult for Jason or I to get to, which would make doctor appointments/field trips/parental involvement that much harder. We went to a magnet school fair, and a couple of the schools really did make good impressions on us, but nothing stood out so much to make us think, oh yes, we need to send Bells there. So really, we're probably going to end up sending Bells to the default year-round school, which is also the closest to our house. It's a great school, and I've heard great things about it from a couple moms in my neighborhood (although, virtually every family I've asked sends their kids to different schools, so I could probably say the same about any of the other options.) And I think it's probably the best choice for our family as a whole. I just wish I had more confidence that it was the best choice for Bells personally.<br />
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Besides the nightmare that is choosing a kindergarten in Wake County, we've been traveling a bunch for the holidays. We went up to Ohio to visit family for the week surrounding Christmas, came home for about 10 hours, and took off to Myrtle Beach to spend a few days with Mom and Dad for New Years. Soon we're heading up to Virginia for a couple days to meet our newest niece and celebrate another niece's 3rd birthday. I think after we finish this next round of traveling, we're going to stay put for awhile. All of this travel is fun but exhausting.<br />
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Annabella and Genevieve are awesome. They've really played well with each other for a long time now, but recently it's gotten even better. They play all sorts of imagination games. They take turns being Mommy/Daddy/teacher/student/Captain Hook/Jake (of the Neverland Pirates)/etc. They've been building trains out of their MagnaTiles, and using their princess dolls as passengers. They are both learning more and more about letters/words/numbers. They both ask a million questions a day, especially Bella. They still fight like cats and dogs sometimes, but you've got to expect that.<br />
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Jas and I are doing well too. He's been playing an online video game thing with his friends at night for awhile, and seems to really like that. I go through phases of what interests me, and right now I'm into (don't laugh, it's awesome) Legos and other models. I don't know how long this phase will last, but I'm really digging it right now. (Sometimes I'm into painting, sometimes I'm super into photography, sometimes I read for hours and hours a week, sometimes I watch more TV/movies. A few months of something and I seem to just switch gears.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-90064648085414197472012-10-19T20:03:00.003-04:002012-10-19T20:03:57.441-04:00So once again I've been busy at work...which means blog updates are few and far between. I love being busy at work, but I do regret not posting more. So once again, sorry for the lack of updates.<br />
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So what's happened since I last updated? <br />
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Well, my baby turned 2! How did that happen? Genevieve is embracing her 2 year old self. She says she is a big girl, but she still likes to be my baby. She wants to do everything, and I do mean everything, herself. She is stubborn and determined and funny and smart and beautiful and I love her to pieces, even when she makes me want to pull my hair out. <br />
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What about my other baby? Well, she turned 4. And there is nothing baby-like about her anymore. Annabella is all long legs and sharp angles. She remembers everything and loves to play games. She's still my sweet snuggle bunny. She has a best friend at school that she loves to see and loves to talk about and misses when she's away. She's really growing up.<br />
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I think Jason posted about their annual check ups. The craziness was that my tiny little Bella is no longer so tiny. She's jumped from hovering around the 10th percentile for height up to between the 40th and 50th. Besides the crazy growth spurt, both girls are healthy and doing great.<br />
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There's a ton more, but it's time for me to go be Mommy again. <br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-79782550979739733562012-10-17T12:53:00.000-04:002015-07-17T12:55:24.226-04:00Cake Pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Jason promised cake pictures. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-20177944837685261812012-10-02T12:36:00.002-04:002012-10-02T12:36:49.626-04:00Quick Update from Annual CheckupWe had our annual checkups for the girls yesterday. Annabella had 4 shots and handled them very well. She's been growing like a weed too. They measured her at the 40th percentile for height and 20th for weight. Genevieve only had to get one shot, and she's at the 50th percentile for weight and 20th for height. <br />
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The nurse was questioning Bella about the color of things. Bella, who is still pretty shy around people she doesn't know, wasn't answering at all, or even really acknowledging the questions. Genevieve on the other hand was yelling out "blue", "yellow", "purple", etc. I think the nurse probably assumed that if our 2 yr old knew the answers, the 4 yr old probably did too.<br />
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Expect a post in the coming days with pictures from their birthday parties.Jasonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13688070067701233439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-34167780494319398422012-07-17T11:53:00.003-04:002012-07-17T11:53:29.282-04:00A few pictures, as promised<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About to laugh.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-39218802668210036452012-07-06T10:04:00.003-04:002012-07-06T10:04:56.975-04:00Quick UpdatesJason and I are toying with the idea of moving closer to work. The commute for each of us is somewhere around 25 or 30 minutes when there's no traffic, but in traffic, it can take a long time. Throw in a couple screaming kids and the commute can feel like a lifetime. But we like our house, and we have a lot of good memories there. So to move, we either need to find something that's just about perfect or is a super good deal. To that end, we put a super low-ball offer in on a house. (We offered 83% of the asking price...) We haven't been outright rejected yet; so who knows, it might come through.<br />
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We took Annabella and Genevieve to see the movie Brave in the theater. It's the first in-theater experience for either of them, and they did really well. There were a few minutes here and there with talking, but no screaming (besides a couple minutes during the previews where Genevieve wasn't so sure about going into a dark, scary room). They both ate a ton of popcorn, and seemed to have a really good time. I think Bella was a little scared at the end though, because she faked having to go potty. We struggle to get her to sit on the potty normally; so saying she had to go when she didn't is quite out of the ordinary. I asked her if the movie was scary, and she said yes. But she wanted to go back and see the rest. I think she needed a little break is all.<br />
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I think I hurt Annabella's feelings this week. It might be the first time that happened, and I felt absolutely terrible. Jason was running out to get bagels for work for his birthday. He woke me up before he left to see if I wanted something. I assumed that he would know and remember that Annabella loved having a bagel the time I took her after her dentist appointment (notice that Jason wasn't there; so why would he really remember this?), and that he would think to get the girls some too (plus I was half asleep during our conversation, so it was all a little foggy). So while he was out, I told them that Daddy was out bringing bagels back for us. So when he got home, Bella was super excited. Jason had a panicked look on his face and said that I hadn't told him to get them anything; so he hadn't. I told him to give the girls mine, but it was too late. I could see her slump and she looked absolutely miserable. She was over it after we picked her up from preschool that day; so I really hope we didn't scar her for life. <br />
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I think we have new pictures, but they're still on the camera. I will try to get some up soon. It's work time for me now though.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-20627458125217167162012-06-27T10:44:00.002-04:002012-06-27T10:44:36.082-04:00CricketsDid you know that it is nearly the end of June? That can't be right. When I look back at my blog, I see the last post was in February. So it cannot possibly be June already. I could make all sorts of lame excuses about time flying by and such, but really, I think I just got bored of blogging. Sorry folks.<br />
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So what has happened in the last 4 months? Hmm. Well, Annabella started speech therapy to help with some of her word pronunciation. She's been going for a couple months now, and I'm definitely noticing improvement. Not only that, but I think she likes talking more now. She initiates more conversations and will talk about her friends at school. She's also virtually stopped the wordless wailing she used to do, and will now usually tell us what's wrong. Now that she's speaking more, we're getting more and more of the funny child logic. A couple nights ago she was playing with the syringe we use to give her ibuprofen, and she called it boo boo sauce.<br />
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Genevieve has started morphing from my sweet little baby into an independent toddler. She wants to do everything herself, and will throw pretty epic tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Sadly for her, she is our second child, and her tantrums don't really phase us. She loves loves loves to tattle on Bella. Last night Bella drew on the television with a crayon. We asked them who did it, and Genevieve said "Bella draw, Bella draw" over and over again. She also loves to tickle us. It's hilarious; so we laugh, which makes her think it's working so she does it more, and then we have to fake laughing. It really is cute though.</div>
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My house is almost never clean now. Every time we put in the effort to clean it (which really is pretty frequent), hurricanes Annabella and Genevieve come along and I wonder why we bother. They love to dump the toys out of their cubby boxes and then sit in them to make trains. It's a good thing they're so adorable. (Refer to exhibit 1, below.) </div>
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Jason and I are doing well. We celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary by staying at a fancy hotel and getting a fancy meal. It was my first night away from Genevieve, which was hard, but definitely nice. The girls made welcome home signs for us and hung them on the door (with help of course) for when we got home. So sweet. Jason and I will also celebrate our 10 year dating anniversary this Friday. I can't believe it's been that long. </div>
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I'm sure there's more, but I gotta gets back to work. Here's hoping I manage to update again before 4 more months pass.</div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-70365567103760103862012-02-03T16:54:00.003-05:002012-02-03T16:54:52.574-05:00SuccessGenevieve is cranky after her surgery, but fine. We almost never give her juice, but they recommended giving it to her after her surgery to keep her hydrated, and she's drinking it like it's her job. <br />
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The doctor said her adenoids were enlarged and appeared to be infected; so I feel like we made the right choice. Hopefully she'll stop getting so many sinus and ear infections now.<br />
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The doctor also replaced both of her ear tubes. He said that the hole was slightly larger after taking them out; so he had to use a different shape tube. He said that a lot of doctors actually use that shape tube to start with though; so it wasn't really a bad thing.<br />
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I hope this all was worth it and that she enjoys a long period of good health.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-28495665716768835292012-02-02T18:41:00.001-05:002012-02-02T18:41:55.230-05:00Adenoids and Tubes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My Vieves has to get one of her ear tubes replaced and her adenoids taken out. Her surgery is tomorrow morning, 8:30am. My poor little baby :(Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-78174761507548643562012-01-11T13:19:00.001-05:002012-01-11T13:22:52.220-05:00All dressed up for Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Three of my favorite four girls, all dressed up for Christmas.</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-84426257683899953722012-01-10T10:42:00.001-05:002012-01-10T10:42:59.873-05:002012<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I can't believe 2012 is here already. And not only that, but today is my, ahem, 29th birthday. </div>
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I'm hoping it's a lasting phase, but I'm camera happy again. I think I've gotten better, and I'm at least somewhat happy with a bunch of the shots I've gotten of the girls recently. </div>
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This first one has G's face slightly out of focus if you zoom in, but I think she looks adorable anyway.</div>
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I think this one captures A's sweetness.</div>
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Neither of these pictures have been edited at all. These are the original JPEGs that came out of the camera. My recent frustration with my pictures is really that I'm not good at post-processing them. I see the shots that our professional photographer friend has taken, and they are awesome. And I know that some of that is due to his mad photoshop skills. He manages to make the skin tones look right while making the other colors pop and everything look crisp in a way I love. I honestly think that some of my recent pictures have a lot of potential. So I've signed up for a photoshop class. I'm excited for it.</div>
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Hopefully this will mean I do a better job posting pictures to the blog as well :)</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-85180859465641594092011-12-21T09:56:00.001-05:002011-12-21T09:56:22.310-05:0075My Grandpa would have been 75 today. I still can't believe he's gone, and I still miss him every day.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-8229654835268575272011-09-28T15:16:00.002-04:002011-09-28T15:16:53.037-04:00Birthday WishesI've been asking Annabella what she wants for her birthday off and on for the past couple of weeks. Invariably, she says something about food. The most recent:<br />
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Me: Annabella, what do you want for your birthday?<br />
Jason: Do you want cookies or cupcakes or brownies? (she'd been oscillating between those choices)<br />
A: Brownies<br />
Me: What else?<br />
A: Ice cream<br />
Me: Yes, we'll have brownies and ice cream, but we have to have something else. We can't just eat brownies and ice cream.<br />
A: Brownies and ice cream and brownies.<br />
Me: OK. We'll have brownies and ice cream and brownies, but we have to have something else. How about pizza? Or hot dogs? <br />
A: No, I want brownies and ice cream and brownies.<br />
Jason: How about spaghetti or pizza? (we often have to repeat options at this age)<br />
A: No, I want brownies and ice cream and brownies.<br />
Jason: How about bunnies and cheese? (bunny-shaped macaroni and cheese)<br />
A: Yes. Bunnies and cheese and bunnies and brownies and ice cream and brownies.<br />
Me: Okay. Well that's what we'll have then. Bunnies and cheese and bunnies and brownies and ice cream and brownies.<br />
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You'll never guess what she asked for for breakfast this morning after I sang her happy birthday :)<br />
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I think it's safe to say she's looking forward to dinner tonight. Here's hoping she likes her presents too.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-15349630881917493372011-09-28T15:10:00.002-04:002011-09-28T15:10:29.067-04:003 years oldMy dearest Annabella,<br />
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Today you turn 3 years old. Three! I can hardly believe it. And yet here we are. We have officially exited the terrible twos (you hear that, Boo, you can stop being so stubborn all the time now...) You are able to do more and more every day. I'm starting to get glimpses about who you are, who I think you'll be, and I'm just so excited for you. <br />
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This past year has been a big year for us, but I think the biggest change for you has been getting used to your little sister. Watching you two learn to play together is so sweet, and so frustrating (you can knock off all the fighting now too, please...) I love how you want to give her hugs and kisses and play peek-a-boo with her, but I just wish you knew how to do those things without smothering her and knocking her over. I love how you share your toys with her, but I wish that you'd share <i>all</i> your toys with her, not just the rejects you've decided you don't want at that moment. But really, you two are great together. Nobody can make Genevieve laugh like you can, and I know you're a great big sister, and that you two will be such great friends one day.<br />
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You are very sweet-natured. When G pulls your hair, you say, "don't pull my hair baby". Or when she pinches you, you say "don't pinch my skin". And can I say that I'm very thankful that your first inclination isn't to just sock her. You are very cooperative with your daycare teachers (though I've heard that they've seen your stubborn streak a little more recently right around nap time.) You love to sing and we can often hear you singing quietly to yourself in your carseat. You whisper when you are uncomfortable. <br />
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You are starting to understand the world, to remember things, to grow up. Watching you watch movies melts my heart, because I see you light up and laugh at the funny parts. If I say that we can do X after Y, then when we finish Y, you ask about X. <br />
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You love scissors, sweeping the floor and using the dustpan, coloring, reading books, swimming, Monkey Joe's, the park, the ball pit, Little Mermaid, CinderBella, Shrek, getting snuggles, cooking with us, getting and wiping off kisses, and playing with stuffed animals (especially putting them to bed).<br />
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I can't wait to see what this year brings. There are so many things I want to do with you, and you are right on the cusp of being able to do them. <br />
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Mommy loves you to the moon and back. Just don't grow up too fast.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-248663149211342232011-09-20T13:38:00.003-04:002011-09-20T13:38:25.041-04:00Who stole my baby?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Genevieve,<br />
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I know it doesn't seem possible, but you turn 1 year old today. Where did the time go, you ask? Well, Mommy doesn't know. To Mommy, you are still my tiny little baby. My tiny little baby that weighs more than just a little bit, who your Daddy and I affectionately call "El Hefto". My tiny little baby who says Momma and Dadda and bye bye and all done and others that we've lost track of and signs more and all done and milk and walks and laughs and wrestles with your sister and jumps off the slide and wants nothing more to be a big girl like your big sister.<br />
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How did this happen? How did my tiny (ok, you were never tiny, little miss 9lbs and 1oz at birth) little baby turn into a full-blown toddler? <br />
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We've had a rough year, you and I. With Mommy battling some rough postpartum depression and then losing Grandpa, Mommy hasn't always been able to enjoy or love on you as much as I would have liked. And for that I am truly sorry, Genevieve. But I want you to know that your Mommy loves and adores you to bits and pieces. And I am so incredibly proud of you. <br />
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I love you, Stink Butt, to the moon and back.<br />
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MommaUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-70792863637671116702011-09-13T13:41:00.000-04:002015-07-17T12:59:05.669-04:00PPD, Part 1I've tried writing this post over and over, but I always come up short. I'm hoping to push through and hit "Publish" at the end of this attempt, but only time will tell. I want to succeed. I want my girls to have something to look back on in case they go through the same. Every sentence I type takes so much out of me though. So here goes nothing.<br />
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This year has sucked. I think it's been the hardest and worst year of my life to date. </div>
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One year ago today I was still pregnant. I was one day past my due date, and just ready to have this baby already. I was excited to meet her, but having gone through labor and delivery one time before, I knew first-hand that it sucked and was terrified to do it again. I had more confidence this time around, knowing that my second baby didn't have the same size issues as my first, and that by all accounts there was nothing to be afraid of. Everything had been going swimmingly. Sure I'd been exhausted and virtually unable to play with Bella for the last few months, but I was in the home stretch.</div>
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Then I went in the hospital on the night of the 19th and had to be induced. I'm still saddened that I didn't go into labor naturally. As silly as it is, a big thing I regret about my decision to be done with babies is that I will never experience this, never have my own story to tell about what it felt like, where I was, how it went. My story will always involve IVs and Pitocin and being resigned to knowing that I was making the right choice for my baby and myself, no matter how much I hated it.</div>
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The next several hours were pretty uneventful, or at least as uneventful as labor can be. I don't remember very much about that night and the next morning. I remember playing cribbage with Jason to pass the time until the contractions became too much. I remember deciding I wanted the epidural, and being disappointed in myself for not laboring on without it. I remember letting the doctor break my water even though I had specifically said before that I did not want this. I remember that my nurse's name was Bert. I remember that I let a nursing student be involved in my care, expecting a 20 something female, and instead got some kid that looked like he might be a college freshman. But really, most of this is a bit of a daze.</div>
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At some point the next morning, it was time to push. Pushing out a 9 pound baby is not easy, but Genevieve was born at 11:28am. I wish that I could say that I fell in love with her immediately the way I did with Annabella, but things were different with Genevieve. She was born blue, and stayed blue for awhile. My first active part of mothering hurt her, as I tried to pull her up to my chest, but her cord was short and wrapped around her body, and I inadvertently pulled it tighter. I watched helplessly as every healthcare worker in the room descended on my baby to aggressively run her with towels and blankets to try to pink her up, growing more and more anxious that something was wrong. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I was able to hold and love on my baby. But I felt so weak, and so numb.</div>
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I continued to feel weak through the day, so much so that I was afraid to hold Genevieve. After some time in labor & delivery, they moved me to the recovery wing even though I was still so shaky. I remember thinking that I felt like I was losing blood, but I told myself that I was just so shaky because Genevieve had been so big and pushing her out had taken so much out of me. </div>
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It wasn't until 6 hours after her birth that I started hemorrhaging blood. By that time I'd sent Jason home and was alone with Genevieve. The next few minutes were traumatizing, really. The confusion, the panic, not being able to care for Genevieve as she lay crying right across the room, watching the nurses continually cleaning my bedding, putting new pads under me, only to rip them off as I soaked them with more blood. The blood just kept coming, in huge clots. </div>
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With Annabella, I had been so afraid that something was wrong with her. And I had thought that I would have to have a Cesarean after hours and hours of labor without progress. So when I was able to deliver her without the C Section, and she was healthy, the adrenaline and euphoria rushed through my body. My baby was there, she was healthy, and life was awesome.</div>
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With Genevieve, I'd been so confident that everything would be fine. I had no reason to believe anything different. I don't know if it was that lack of relief (because I hadn't been scared before), or being scared for those first few terrifying minutes after her birth, or the trauma of hemorrhage, or the weeks of weakness after the hemorrhage when I still was uncomfortable holding Genevieve without help nearby. Or it could have just been plain old body chemistry. Who knows, really? Whatever it was though, something pushed me into postpartum depression. </div>
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This postpartum depression is really what I'm hoping to write about, but I'm still not sure I can face it head on enough to address it. My fingers feel heavy on the keys, and I think of people I know reading this, and not understanding, and the thought is enough to make me stop. But I want to write about it, for my girls. Because if heaven forbid either of them go through PPD, I want to help them in any way I can. And I feel like telling this story might help.</div>
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I think I've hit my limit for today though; so I will have to leave the rest for another day. To be continued, I hope.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-220781778219002994.post-82796309556072999322011-09-07T22:35:00.000-04:002011-09-07T22:35:17.100-04:00December 21, 1936 - August 18, 2011 <br />
He squeezed you like he meant it when he hugged.<br />
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He grew the best tomatoes.<br />
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He could be silly, even at the end. (I so wish I had my camera when he showed the girls how to go down the twisty slide at the park.)<br />
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He stored trash bags and paper towels in his 800 pound safe. <br />
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He loved to eat, but wouldn't touch something if he knew it had butter in it.<br />
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He was the hardest worker I've ever known, working 70 hours a week until the cancer and chemo forced him to stop.<br />
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He was handy.<br />
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He watched Lifetime movies.<br />
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He adored his grand babies. Nothing made him happier than holding them.<br />
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He could talk your ear off on the phone.<br />
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He was brave, never letting on how much pain he was in.<br />
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His garden was always immaculate.<br />
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He was a hunter, a farmer, a maintenance worker, a trolley driver, a gardener, and a truck driver.<br />
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He loved his sisters, and still called Patsy his baby sister. He tried to keep his siblings together when times got tough after his parents left them, and he worked to reunite them later.<br />
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He had true and loyal friends, the kind who drop everything to help you load stuff up and do whatever they can when they hear the bad news.<br />
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He bounced me on his knee when I was little, and asked me who his little boy was. When I'd say "Grandpa, I'm not a boy", he'd ask where his monkey was. When I'd say "Grandpa, I'm not a monkey!", he'd exclaim, "Sure you are. I see your curly tail!"<br />
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He taught me how to add.<br />
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He killed the biggest spider I've ever seen (that wasn't in a cage.) That spider can still make me shudder.<br />
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He showed his love by giving you produce from his garden, seeds, and plants. And when he said he'd give you some turnips, you'd end up with a grocery bag full of turnips. If he gave you tomatoes, you'd go home with 30 or 40 pounds of tomatoes.<br />
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He believed in putting 100 cans of everything back each year.<br />
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He was my Grandpa. And I miss him.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1