Annabella is 4 months old today

Time really flies. When I look at her newborn pictures, I can't believe how tiny she was. Or how different she is now. The past 4 months have been tough. Having a new baby at home is not so easy. But when I'm thinking back over this time, I'm just so sad that it's going by so quickly.

I'm sad that I'll never see the silly exaggerated grin that lit up her face when she was first learning to smile. She'd look up at me when I first got her in the mornings, and I think it must have taken every muscle in her face to make that smile. And she'd hold that goofy grin for 2 or 3 seconds before losing it. I didn't realize that within a few days she'd have this smiling thing down and it wouldn't look the same again.

I'm sad that I'll never hear those first few squeals of excitement, when she was just learning how to make those noises. I think those squeals were what pure bliss must sound like. I didn't realize that as she gained more control over her voice, that her squeals wouldn't quite be the same.

I'm sad that she'll never sleep with her head buried in my chest again, with her little feet pulled up under her. It was the only way she'd sleep for weeks. And it was so frustrating because we were so tired and just so in need of sleep, and we'd have to stay awake holding her so she could sleep. And now I miss my tiny baby that could fit on just my chest, and loved being there. My baby still loves to cuddle while she sleeps, but she's just too big to sleep that way now. And she stopped liking it when she started to discover the world more. She wanted to be able to see what was going on around her, and sleeping on Mommy's chest went out the window.

I'm sad that my little baby isn't so little anymore. She needs Mommy less and less. And while it's pretty darn awesome to see her becoming this little person with her own personality and ideas, I'd like to hold onto her just the way she is now, for just a little while longer. Before she changes on me again.