Most the time I feel like I'm handling the stress of all this crazy baby stuff pretty well. After all, worrying at this point isn't going to help anything.
And then every once in a while I just break down when I don't expect it.
Jason and I took a labor/delivery support class tonight, which focused on coping techniques through a natural labor and delivery. At one point, the instructor wanted each of us to take 2 minutes to tell our partner our concerns about labor/delivery/baby/etc. And the tears started rolling down my face before we even began, while she was still talking.
I think I've spent so much time and effort actively trying not to worry that it was just totally overwhelming to be told to focus on it for even 2 minutes.
We've been scared repeatedly, and we've known for a long time that she's small. Analytically, I understand that they haven't really given us a whole ton of new info to freak out over. But apparently my emotional self hasn't exactly caught up.
I think all the scariness they've been heaping onto us has sorta overwhelmed all the other regular scary things as well. So I haven't even thought very much about what it will be like to have her home with us, and how hard that will be...at least I haven't thought about it in a real way. And all of that is there below the surface, but it seems absurd to think about those things with all of these bigger concerns looming.
I just want her to be healthy. The rest will come.
I just hate this waiting game.