After I had Annabella, I often felt overwhelmed and anxious. I felt like there weren't enough hours in the day, I was afraid the house would burn down and I wouldn't be able to get her out, and I was so sleep-deprived that I could barely see straight. But I was happy. I was in love with my baby. And life was hard, but good. Even on the bad days, the thought of seeing my little bundle of joy would bring a smile to my lips.

After I had Genevieve, I felt numb. And when I didn't feel numb, I often felt bad. I had a tough time bonding with my little baby, and I attributed this to not being able to spend as much time with her as I'd like, due to the postpartum hemorrhage. I felt like anybody else could and would do a better job taking care of her, and that she deserved more than I could give her.

At my 6 week postpartum appointment, I learned that the effects of the hemorrhage should be long over, and that the hemorrhage, while making me physically weak, should not have had a negative effect on my ability to bond with G. My doctor told me he thought I was suffering from postpartum depression.

Since then, I've learned a whole lot more about postpartum depression, and I gotta tell you, it's just not much fun.

Potty Training!

We started potty training Annabella this past weekend. We'd tried before, a few months before Genevieve was born, but she just wasn't quite ready then. I think she was probably ready awhile ago now, but we chose to wait because getting a new little sister is just such a big transition. But recently Annabella has started requesting diaper changes instead of fighting them, and we took that as a sign that it was time.

So far it's going really well, and I'm really proud of my little girl. Seeing her running around in her big girl panties makes me ache for the baby she was, smile at the big girl she's become, and wonder what the future holds.

Annabella Grace

I've been promising to post pictures of the kids for awhile. Here are some of Annabella.

Genevieve Claire

I've been promising to post some pictures for awhile now. Here are some of our newer ones of Genevieve.

Still here.

I'm still alive. Really. I know it's been forever since I've posted.

The girls are good.

Genevieve is rolling over (front to back only still) and sitting up and working towards crawling. She's a sweet, happy baby who smiles at everybody and has an infectious laugh. She also has her third ear infection. I think tubes are in our near future with her.

Annabella is teaching me what the terrible twos are all about. She must think I'm a slow learner, because she's really drilling in that lesson. She's enough to wear me out, even on a good day. But her hugs brighten my days, her smile makes me smile, and I'm proud of her even when she's difficult.

I know there's more to say. It's been a busy month or so. But at least that's a start.

Hey, at least she's wearing socks.

I'm not sure Annabella understands the concept of favorite yet. If you ask her what her favorite color is, she'll look at you blankly. But I would bet dollars to doughnuts that her favorite color is blue. Whenever we let her choose her plate, she always goes for the blue one if available. And we have to watch her to make sure she doesn't pull the blue one out of the dishwasher when it's dirty. She seems to prefer the blue balls over the others, and she loves her cupcake outfit with the blue pants.

So really, when I saw 2 pairs of dirty socks lying at the bottom of the stairs this morning, I should have stopped what I was doing right then to grab them up and hide them. Especially because she'd already worn the blue snowman ones twice. And because she was wearing green and white. But I didn't. I was busy and I didn't think Annabella had noticed them.

20 minutes later:

Me: Annabella, time to put your shoes and socks on. (Grabbing her clean white socks and trying to put them on).

Annabella: (Trying to rip them out of my hands.) No white socks! Blue socks! NO WHITE SOCKS! BLUE SOCKS!

I could pretend that I stuck to my guns and decided that a third wearing of the blue snowman socks was completely inappropriate. But you know what, it just wasn't worth the battle. Wearing dirty socks isn't going to kill her, even if they seriously clash with her outfit.

Buttered Toast

Toast Story #1:

Annabella loves this song, Fire Truck by Ivan Ulz. She sings it all the time. "Fire truck, fire truck, I want to ride in a fire truck!" So cute.

Well today, she asked for toast for breakfast. After the bread finished toasting, she asked "Butter?". So I assured her that yes, I was putting butter on her toast and bringing her buttered toast. So she started singing "Buttered toast, buttered toast, I want to ride in a buttered toast!".

Besides being all sorts of adorable, I'm really excited to see her starting to play around with songs and mixing up words.

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Toast Story #2:

About a month ago I was trying to get Annabella to eat a snack. I knew she was hungry, but I couldn't get her to agree to anything. I know that seriously buttered toast is one of her favorites, so I asked her over and over again if she wanted toast.

Mommy: Annabella, do you want some toast?

Annabella: No toast! No toast!

M: You sure?

A: NO TOAST!

M: OK, you don't have to eat toast. What about (any other appropriate option)?

A: No.

5 minutes later:

M: You want some toast sweetie?

A: No toast, no toast!

M: (Still racking my brain, what can I get her to eat).

3 minutes later:

M: How about some toast?

A: No toast, no toast!

M: Well, I'm going to make you some toast anyway. You don't have to eat it though.

A: No toast, no toast!

2 minutes later:

A: (Trying to get Mommy to come do something)

M: Sorry sweetie, Mommy's busy buttering your toast.

A: No toast. No toast. NO TOAST!

M: (Walking toast to Annabella at the table)

A: NO TOAST!

M: (Sets toast in front of Annabella at the table).

A: (Looks at toast, tilts her head to the side, and smiles).

A: TOAST!

And with that, she ate up all her toast.